Dillard’s alternative


This town has got to get another department store.

Once again, I went to Dillard’s, to pick up some tights. Once again, my blood pressure started going up at the sight of the insulting feel-good signs outside the double glass doors:

If you have any difficulty in our store because of a disability, please ask any Dillard’s employee for assistance.

Inside, previously unbeknownst to me, it was sale time, which meant that every available space was, of course, packed with extra racks and tables. I found some tights (I only had to move three display fixtures to get to them, good thing I’ve got those really strong arms, ha ha!).

Then I thought I’d just look at pajamas. I picked out a couple pairs to try on and went hunting for a dressing room. Sleepwear? Nope, the accessible dressing room was being used by a mom and several small kids. Lingerie? Nope, someone in there. Dresses? Nope. Women’s Wear? Nope. At Juniors a sales associate actually asked me if I’d like a dressing room, but, sadly, her accessible dressing room was also occupado. Just wait a moment, she assured me, I’m sure it’s coming free soon.

I waited a moment. Sales associate was getting nervous. She decided to go scout out Dresses. No joy. I handed her my large pile of pajamas and said, never mind, just ring up these tights. She looked down sadly at the pile of clothes in her arms – you don’t want these? Nope, can’t try them on.

Then I went to customer service. Elderly blue haired lady asks if she can help me. I hope so, I say falsely. You know those signs you have on the outside doors? About asking for help if you need it? After a confused moment she decides she does know about those signs. Well, I say, if I were outside and needed help, how would I get it?

She stares at me for at least 30 seconds, then manages to ask me if I have a cell phone, dear?

What number would I call?

That’s a stumper. The staff door has a buzzer, she says.

Great – how do I know that? How do I find the staff door?

I have exceeded her capacity for thinking about this problem. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel, except that unfortunately the fish don’t notice they’ve been shot, and they just swim away, oblivious. You should just take those signs down, I say.

I’m thinking about some sort of Dillard’s Manifesto. First I would get some sticky paper and print signs:

If you need assistance due to a disability, that’s too bad! All we’re providing is this feel-good sign. Sincerely, The Management

I’d stick those on every Dillard’s door in the dead of night. They’d catch me right away, of course, because I filled out a customer comment card complete with my real name, address and phone number.

But if they didn’t, my next sticker would say:

Dear Dillard’s Management:

Here are four suggestions, in order of expense, to solve this feel-good sign problem:

  1. Remove these insulting signs
  2. Put up a sign with directions to an accessible entrance
  3. Install a buzzer or intercom so a person could actually request the help you so fatuously offer
  4. Make this an accessible entrance

Or something like that.



  1. mdmhvonpa

    The whole handi-capped bathroom/changing room thing is a total joke. I’ve used them on occasion when all the other stalls are full but it never fails that when I come into the work restrooms, the only stall is occupied and the other 3 are empty. 300 parking spots, 9 hp spots, 2 ppl in the building comples with HP Plates. Yeah, the other guy isn’t in the one in the crapper all the time since he sits next to me.

  2. darrenh

    Hate that cluttered aisle thing. Truly what good does it do to design wide aisles and then clutter them up with sale stuff. It’s bad enough they stack up the regular sales floor so full of racks that a wheelchair can’t move through without making a lot of contact with the merchandise.

  3. yasmín

    They’re always so good at apologizing and making the sad, guilty faces.

  4. Patricia Tryon

    Longmont strikes (out) again.

    We were at Kohl’s on Monday, trying to find Dockers for Chuck. He and I have an ongoing “dialog” about the length inseam he needs.

  5. Patricia Tryon

    Longmont strikes (out) again.

    We were at Kohl’s on Monday, trying to find Dockers for Chuck. He and I have an ongoing “dialog” about the length inseam he needs. We found competing sizes and then set off in search of a dressing room. Any dressing room. No joy. I could not believe it.

    OTOH, there aren’t any signs on their doors assuring that assistance of any kind is available. Bleah on Longmont stores.

  6. thatlldoit

    Saw a para (using a manual chair) working sales in a Tommy Hilfiger retail store in a large shopping mall in our area. I’d tried for years as an employment counselor to convince retail managers this was a good idea but had no success. Relieved to see at least one finally figured it out. I made sure to let them know they had my sale because of it. The guy they hired had no problem doing the job – took them this long to figure that out ? Sheesh. I guess better late than never.

  7. The Angry Gimp

    Wow…I’ve had this exact same experience, but not at Dillards. I like your idea for a new sign. If I’m ever near a Dillards I will leave one in your honor!

  8. mattie

    worked for dillard’s,was slapped,called an old fart,old lady. they don’t know shit from shinola and I left. dillard’s and wally world make for strange bed partners in mexico. Hope they both go broke.


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *