I admit, I was skeptical. But children, I am here to tell you that after seven draining, gut-wrenchingly painful years, St Andrew Presbyterian Church of Boulder has a wheelchair accessible restroom.

So you never know, do you?

My choir has resumed rehearsing there, so I’m going tonight. Since we’re channeling a Michigan winter, I called to ask if they had moved the handicapped permit spaces, increased the number of spaces, shoveled the curb cuts and/or sidewalks and was assured that everything’s hunky-dory. We’ll see.

Longtime readers may recall my frustration with this church – I am not a member, but my choir rehearses there, and will again once they are open for business. I have not had the opportunity to see the renovation yet, but the choir director assures me that Things are Accessible.

Here’s what St Andrew says they’re doing:

Improvements… St. Andrew is meeting the needs of the congregation and community with many improvements to the facilities and enhancements to its ministries. There has already been improved handicapped accessibility, seating in the sanctuary, signage, lighting and more. Construction is now underway, including major improvements to our sanctuary and Parish Hall, a new Atrium, a brand new kitchen, improved storage, and other enhancements such as an elevator which will make the entire building handicapped accessible.

So, we’ll see. The re-dedication is November 19th. I’m going to do my best to remember my manners.

Keep on Doing What You Do/Jerks on the Loose

Nobody round here knows what happened to you
No one will ask you to explain
You have your arm around a drastic measure
All of your efforts down the drain

There might be something here you could get into
Or just be quiet by yourself
ooooooo…
Stare at the stuff up on the shelf

You work too hard to take this abuse
Be on your guard jerks on the loose

Look who did it to you
Joker over there with nothing to do
Don’t let ‘em get through
Keep on doing what you do

Why don’t you listen to my little pep talk
Instead of what that person said
And now I’m gonna open up the window
And you will come in off that ledge

You work too hard to take this abuse
Be on your guard jerks on the loose
Jerks on the loose
Jerks on the loose

© 1982 DeShufflin Inc. ASCAP
Terre and Suzzy Roche

I am, of course, reacting on an extremely emotional level. Out of the Frying Pan is trying to get a more logical handle on the motivation and rationale behind the church’s decision-making.

The church has decided to defer restroom renovations. They are launching (again!) a Capital Campaign for renovations.

I asked them to re-configure the existing, unsafe, grab bars in the women’s restroom. I offered to purchase the new grab bars and have them installed. The committee responded that it will “discuss your grab-bar proposal and will communicate with MMPT and Session and give you feedback ASAP”. I find this faintly insulting – what is there to discuss? It’s a gift, take it!

The committee also says that it “fully understands your frustration and disappointment”. That and a dollar will get me a bad cup of coffee.

Why are these Christians not choking on their own hypocrisy?

I’m going to find a new rehearsal location. Wish me luck.

With its $50,000, the church has managed to cut back two pews and put in one curbcut. No sign of any bathroom construction, and I’m trying to find out why.

In the meantime, due to poor planning on my part, I had to use the Evil Inaccessible bathroom yesterday.

It’s only an injury to my dignity to teach a colleague to do a standing pivot transfer into the narrow stall, but when I was trying to use the poorly placed grab bars, my elbow slipped between the bar and the wall.

While I was trying to extricate my elbow, I fell off the toilet, so now I’m hanging from the damn thing by my elbow, with a nicely wrenched shoulder.

I was, of course, rescued by my colleague, who did not injure her back.

That place is a menace.

And since I’m feeling not so friendly about this, I will tell you that this heretofore unnamed church is Saint Andrew Presbyterian Church, Boulder Colorado, the Rev. Dr. Stan Adamson, Pastor.

After the service the minister thanked me for pushing them. The good guys won – now I want to see some construction!

The purpose of the meeting was to get an estimate for accessibility changes to present to the congregation. There was an accessibility consultant who was referred to me by the local Center for People with Disabilities, and a contractor, recommended by the accessibility consultant.

My previous history with this church has been that they are aware that they need to make changes, but they have been scared away by the perceived price tag. My latest attempt has been to prioritize the changes that need to be made – concentrate on low-cost, high-impact changes, primarily making the restrooms accessible. The accessibility consultant, of course, saw and pointed out numerous other problems that should be addressed. He looked at the proposal for the restrooms, pointed out that now the swing of the stall door interferes with someone using the sink, and that the restroom entrance itself is not 32″ clear. So now the contractor is pricing moving sinks, widening doors and relocating electrical boxes as well.

Of course, he’s right. I’m afraid, though, that the choice is going to be between a completely compliant, $10,000 change that won’t be implemented and a non-compliant, somewhat more usable $5,000 change that might be implemented.

I could just be pre-emptively depressed. The proposal is going to the congregation this Sunday.

Here’s what the accessibility consultant carries around in his backpack: the ADA Accessibility Guidelines for Buildings and Facilities.

Which is why, 13 years after the ADA, the church in which my choir rehearses does not have a wheelchair accessible bathroom. Until a year ago, they did not have any way to get onto the curb. They have no place in their sanctuary where a person in a wheelchair or scooter may sit without blocking an aisle. Their two handicapped permit parking spaces are as far as you can get from the main entrance and still be on church property.

It took me a couple of years, but I finally have gotten some insight into why this situation continues:

There’s a perception that the changes that are needed are very expensive. Some of them are: all of the classrooms and offices are up or down a flight of stairs. There have been very few (or no) people in the congregation who have demanded change.

I’ve spent the last month or so working with the church to help them explore what they can do inexpensively and quickly to create a more architecturally accessible church. I’ve been helped tremendously by the Presbyterian Church USA’s Council on Health, Welfare and Education Association.

The church leadership was excessively (in my opinion) concerned about the classroom problem. I urged them to work on what I thought should be their first priorities: parking, sidewalk access, sanctuary access, and restrooms. For sanctuary access, they could remove or cut down pews to make space for wheelchairs and scooters. There are two restrooms with three stalls apiece on the ground floor; they can combine two narrow stalls into one accessible stall in each restroom. They can put signs on the exterior doors that are inaccessible. They can add a curbcut near the front door.

At this point, I am cautiously optimistic. The facilities committee chairman has visited some other churches to see what they have done, and is presenting a low cost proposal for changes to the session.

Perhaps they just needed someone to go into the bathroom with them and show them what needed to be done.