Where are the regular Christmas trees? By “regular”, I mean a) real, and b) not pruned and shorn into a tortured, stunted, overfilled cone. I’m already at a disadvantage when it comes the Christmas tree buying, because I was taught at my mother’s knee not to put up the Christmas tree until Christmas Eve (it’s a German thing, don’t ask). My mother, of course, was much smarter than I am, and she actually bought the tree immediately after Thanksgiving, when the pickings were good, and kept it in the carport in some sort of special sauce that was guaranteed to keep it moist and minty-green (she was a plant person).
This year’s been a disaster all round since I’ve been traveling way too much. Friday as I got ready to leave home until the 22nd I mentioned to my beloved that he might want to go buy a tree in my absence. He looked at me quizzically and said, “Have you even seen a tree lot around town this year?” And I had to admit that I hadn’t. Are real trees totally passé this year? But my beloved girded his loins and went hunting, and brought back the best tree he could find, but it’s been so pruned that all the spaces between the branches are completely filled in and it’s going to be really hard to find spots for the candles.