Personal Responsibility

Lisa on disability, caregiving, and personal responsibility: Could I Have Saved D’s Foot and Other Thoughts About Caregiving:

When D’s family says that they wished he would have found a nice nurse or physical therapist for him to marry, this is what they were hoping for. A woman who would devote her life to managing and caring for D. This is what is expected of you if you are the less disabled in a partnership. You are supposed to feel sorry for and compensate for every little thing your partner can’t do for himself. It makes you noble and heroic. Human interest stories are written about you and shown on the local news.

Okay, to each their own…but I think it is bullshit.



  1. Gimpy Mumpy

    Nice! This stereotypical romeo image also hurts those of us whose mates which to sound *heroic* to their friends. *gag*
    A relationship is give and take, so of course we can expect some help from our partners but when this goes overboard it’s not always helpful and can lead to some messed up relationship outcomes.

  2. mdmhvonpa

    Hrmmm … I don’t want my mate to be a hero … just a good and loving mate. I’ve escorted her to the emergency room as many times as she has had the opportunity to do the same for me.

  3. Ziggi

    Mumpy is on the money. I’ve worked with loads of couples in this situation. A bad situation in general. Any good shrink will tell you that a spouse should never be the primary or full time caregiver. These arrangements often end poorly with the “giver” feeling used, abused, and emotionally fried over time.


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