I went to work. I had my mid-year review (apparently they still like me). I went to the library for lunch, loaded all my books into my backpack, started crutching into the library, lost my balance and fell over backwards (onto the backpack, not my head). Unconcerned strangers walked by. Two concerned strangers helped hoist me back up again, very kindly leaving me alone and listening to me until I was actually ready to be helped.

Returned my books. Picked up some new books. Had lunch at the library café, cried into my coffee, hoped no one noticed. Went back to work. Tried to look competent and intelligent in my 1:00 meeting. On the way back down to my car I realized that if I so much as looked in another direction I would tip in that direction. I had come untethered in space, a semi-functional state just this side of vertigo (which involves lying in bed and throwing up whenever you move your head). Decided the wheelchair was a good idea. Came home early.

That was my day.



  1. Kezzykat

    Oh CrapKatja,

    I feel bad for you. I know how it is to fall in public and have the whole world walk on by pretending they didn’t see…..very disconcerting as well as upsetting. But at the same time I sort of don’t want help..(what is it with me) so get upset when that occurs too.
    sounds like the wheelchair is a safer option for you and your independence right now..just thinking back to what you wrote in the wheelchair section here…that it is about allowing you to remain independent etc.

    On the positive slant, glad your review went as you deserve..well!



  2. The Goldfish

    Remember, using a wheelchair doesn’t have to be a permanent state of affairs. You may just need it on days when you don’t feel safe on your feet. You seem to have a totally straight attitude towards disability paraphenalia, so go for it and don’t look back (’cause you might fall over ;-)).


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